These types of people just exist, and surely we all know that by now, but it doesn't make their rude actions any less offensive. Heavens know why they feel the need to even be rude, because seriously, why can't we all just be kind to one another and get along? The concept of kindness is actually pretty rad. And for a girl who views herself as someone who is very understanding, I find it difficult to grasp why anyone would want to be rude to certain people, especially when the selected few seem to have done nothing to deserve such treatment.

It's easy to imagine circumstances wherein people probably felt that their victim deserved rude treatment, but who the hell are we to be the judge of that? I'm not saying I have never been rude to anyone, I have been and I most certainly will be again at some random points in my life. It's just that there is usually some sort of logic behind it, even if one's reasoning is as simple (and as childish) as, "I hate your face, so there!", that would still be logical. However, I've come across a certain type of rude that just doesn't make any sense at all. First off, it wasn't always that way between me and this person! Once upon a time we used to talk, and openly so. And even though we didn't talk often, I'd like to believe that there was some form of respect established between us, and respect is always a good thing to have between human beings.

Have I changed between then and now? Yes, I have, and it's been in good ways. Have I done anything that may have offended him at any point? I really wouldn't know, but if that were the case then I would love to know what it was so I could sit and think about what I did. And, if my heart should deem it fit, I might even apologize for my actions. Was it something I said? Did I dress inappropriately? Is it my hair? Did I diss something he held dear to his heart? Is it the music I listen to? What? The questions just keep popping up!

Things like this bother me because I am pretty sensitive to vibrations, and I did feel that things weren't going as smooth as they used to. Basically, I am not surprised by it even happening because I actually saw it coming. First I became receptive to a certain look in his eye, a wave of reluctant insincerity. Next, there were actual slips wherein he'd say hurtful things over the phone not knowing that I could hear him, only to be told that he was on speakerphone. And it's not like I expected an apology, so I let pass the fact that I never got one. I'm not one to accept apologies that aren't meant anyway. To me, an apology means that a person knows what they did wrong, and that it wouldn't happen again. So, time passed and I noticed that we were never in the same room at the same time anymore. I wasn't sure if it was deliberate or coincedental, and I didn't try to make such a big deal over it. Just made note of it, and that was that.

If I was not someone's favorite person, that would be just fine with me, and I would not take it against that person. It's not like I expect everyone to like me anyway. Hell, I don't like a lot of people, but I won't go out of my way to let these things be known unless that were the only way to escape an ugly situation.

So, when shit hit the fan I took the opportunity to get to the root of the problem; I made it known that I was well-aware of the tension going on between us, and that I had been meaning to come around to finding out what the reason behind it was. Perhaps the sudden confrontation wasn't something he expected, for I could see him fumbling for words. And the words were ridiculous.

Apparently, I am being blamed for actions other than my own.
And for that I get ill-treatment? Bloody ridiculous.

As stated, I view myself as someone very understanding, so I try to look at it from his point of view and see that, no matter how daffy the reasoning is, it's actually quite feasible... Feasible for a very small-minded individual. The thing is, he is not a small-minded individual, and I figured he would know better than to jump to a conclusion like that. And to think that anyone could possibly think of me in that light, someone who has spoken with me on many occassions, someone who should know by now that I am on their side, it just really really bites. Thanks for thinking I could possibly have such a powerful manipulative hold over another person, but I am not one to want anything less than the best for people that I love. To point a finger at me and say that it's my fault that certain things are going wrong and that I'm to blame for another person's shortcomings? A knife through the heart.

Am I to get upset? Because I really am, and it hurts. Should I be glad that things got so bad that it became a hatch to finding out what was causing all this unnecessary behavior? I don't know. Hell, I don't even know what's going to happen next! It's annoying to know that this could have all been stopped dead in its tracks if only things were found out earlier on. Communication is good for things like that, it really is a lovely tool for us humans. And though the exchange can often be tough and tiresome, the results can sometimes be enlightening. Solutions can be found, problems fixed, rough patches made even, obscure points made clear - the possibilities are plenty!

What happens after this is beyond me.

On relating to others

1 let love rule
2 share your talents and gifts
3 be generous with genuine smiles
4 express kindness every chance you get
5 treasure your loved ones
6 befriend someone you’re not fond of
7 understand someone who’s misunderstood
8 find common ground with someone you perceive to be different from you
9 find the good in others
10 bond often with laughter
11 remember the power of sharing great wine and food with others
12 forgive the seemingly unforgivable
13 help those in need
14 ask for help when you need it
15 defend those who can’t defend themselves
16 interpret coldness in others as sadness
17 and attempt to bring those people a little warmth
18 pay attention to the quiet/boisterous ones
19 and distill the simple truth in their message
20 engage someone who seems disinterested
21 and encourage her/him to discover her/his fire in the belly
22 curb the attitude
23 pump up the patience
24 practice humility
25 reciprocate negativity with positivity
26 realize that you’re part of a continuum
27 remember that your actions (or inaction) impact others

On philosophy and learning

28 seek truth (ask a lot of questions)
29 make mistakes
30 take a stand on the issues
31 dare to be right
32 dare to be wrong
33 dare to be an activist for a cause you’re passionate about
34 be a leader (see Justin Dixon’s ideas on What Makes a Great Leader)
35 lead by example
36 find someone you’re philosophically diametrically opposed with
37 and meet them halfway
38 read a lot; write a lot
39 teach others what you’ve learned (and be open to learning while you teach)
40 open yourself to wisdom from unlikely places
41 write or talk to people you admire
42 emulate someone you admire
43 and when you find yourself in a situation where you’re unsure, ask “what would _______ do?”
44 broaden your horizon and put things in perspective
45 find the lesson in an undesirable experience or situation
46 deflect negativity with indifference (if not with positivity)
47 remind yourself often that you don’t have to believe what others believe; even those you admire

On being true to oneself (or keeping that connection to your core)

48 count your blessings
49 know your power and don’t underestimate it
50 write a mission statement
51 and live it (and revise it accordingly as you evolve)
52 don’t neglect good health (see Anastasiya’s list of 101 Healthy Habits that Anyone Can Follow)
53 listen to the song in your heart (and don’t be afraid to sing it and dance to it)
54 recognize the noise and tune it out
55 say what you mean and mean what you say (see Karlil’s thoughts on improving body anguage)
56 open your mind (see Steven Aitchison’s list of 100 Ways to Develop Your Mind)
57 open your heart and let the light in
58 eliminate hypocrisy by looking at yourself before judging others
59 give yourself a break (go on retreats, getaways, vacations, or at least take a lunch break)
60 know that life isn’t always about productivity
61 so let go of guilt and do nothing once in a while
62 feel every emotion fully (as opposed to repressing it) then let it pass
63 understand that impulses can be controlled so control those you have that may be negative (we all have them)
64 seek and maintain balance without compromising passion
65 make a decision (don’t let others decide for you)
66 nurture your spirituality

On relating to material or non-essential things

67 give a portion of your money away to a cause you believe in (for ideas, visit Global Giving)
68 savor the good feeling that comes from this generous act
69 give a treasured object away
70 and embrace the power of letting go
71 throw out the literal and proverbial garbage
72 make space for meaningful things
73 remember others who don’t have the basics
74 and think twice before buying things just because you can (read Leo Babauta’s ideas on the true cost of stuff)
75 appreciate the luxuries you have
76 pass on possessions you’ve outgrown that are useful to others
77 know that your identity is separate from your material possessions

On adventures

78 go on adventures
79 be bold with your adventures
80 dream big
81 and take baby steps to realize them
82 visit another country as often as you can (read this piece by Chris Guillebeau for cautionary tips)
83 and feast your senses in its culture
84 dine on various cuisines
85 step out of your comfort zone (take risks, let yourself be challenged)

On art

86 pay attention to aesthetics
87 and let beauty bathe your senses
88 Experience all forms of art
89 and allow yourself to be transported by its power
90 once in a while, view things through an artist’s lens
91 and let your imagination roam free
92 express your inner artist (by drawing, painting, sculpting…)
93 and revel in your power to create

On paid and unpaid work

94 love what you do
95 do what you love
96 do something you’d do anyway without getting paid
97 give what you do your best effort (read Jeffrey Tang’s 10 Excuses I’ve Used Up This Month)
98 value your time and energy

On relating to the planet and the universe

99 notice and appreciate the infinite beauty of nature (read Fr. Michael’s piece Have You Noticed?)
100 think about the future generations and what the world will be like for them because of how you treat the planet now
101 remember the universal laws when you’ve done everything you can

Around about thirteen hours ago, I got held at gunpoint by some guy on a motorbike.

There isn't much to say about an incident like that, and it's not like it's a situation you can really easily walk into or out of anyway. Basically, I was just a five-minute walk away from my house when this guy slows down to a complete stop right next to me. It's not like I was immediately going to freak out and run all over the place, I'm used to people stopping next to me on the road because they're either friends of mine or strangers who need to ask directions, but when he held that gun at me I just knew it was bad. The cherry on top is the fact that he said absolutely nothing, he just had his gun pointed at me.

One can only imagine the sort of things that ran through my mind at that moment: Do I know this son of a bitch? Is that gun even real? What the fuck did I do? Just how tremendous could the pain of a gunshot wound be? Exactly where is he aimed? Am I meant to die tonight? Where the fuck are the neighbors? The list goes on.

So, my hands are up in the air as I realize what the scenario is, and I tell him please don't shoot. Guns aren't something I'm too familiar with, but I'm guessing that what he had was a 9mm. Anyway, he does a small U-turn, gets his gun pointed at me again and finally tells me to hand him my mobile phone, which I did without hesitation. He then started to take off, so I ran towards the nearest well-lit junction, but the fucker took another U-turn and went after me. I just figured that if this asswipe is going to shoot at me, I won't make myself an easy target. Good thing he never pulled the trigger. Anyway, I can't remember which point had me yelling out terror, but it's what eventually woke people up anyway. Police came quick, but it was useless considering that the criminal was well out of sight already. Besides, I had no face to identify because he had a black helmet on the whole time, and I couldn't have possibly seen his plates because it was pitch-black at that particular area.

The really sad part is that this happened near my house. It would have made more sense if this happened somewhere else, somewhere really really ghetto, but no. Having found out first-hand how unsafe my hood is just rips my heart right up. We'll never know whether this is just the result of some fucked up idiot's idea of fun, or if this piece of shit just really needed money so bad that he'd do anything to get it; what we do know is that these streets aren't safe. I really have to mention how, from the mundane act of walking down a street that I've gone up and down countless times, to being faced with an armed crook, it's strange how I entered a sort of dream-like state in-between.

Sure, it all boils down to the fact that I didn't get hurt. But, damn...
 

I figured I'd put this here before I hit the sack again.

"For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible."